KNOWING AND MANAGING YOUR HOT BUTTONS

To prepare yourself to properly deal with conflict, you must take the time to understand your own “hot buttons” i.e., the things that you perceive to be threats against how you want to be viewed in this world.  These hot buttons are important because they tend to trigger a set of automatic emotional responses whenever we face conflict.  Most common hot buttons have to deal with competence, inclusion, autonomy, status, reliability, and morality. Once we are triggered, “our brain may experience what’s called a “neural hijacking.” The brain perceives a threat, proclaims an emergency and moves into action. This hijacking occurs so quickly that the conscious, thinking portion of the brain does not yet fully comprehend what’s happening.”

As such, you must take the time to have a full and complete understanding of your hot buttons before you make any attempt to deal with the other parties in the conflict. As you saw in our post about thinking through ourresponse to conflict, you need to have our thoughts and emotions under control so that we may have a clear understanding of the actual facts surrounding the dispute. This allows you to operate on 'reality-based' dimension of the conflict.  If, however, you allow our hot buttons to trigger an instinctive emotional response, then you will make false assumptions, lash out or close down, etc. all because we will be responding to 'felt conflict'.  

 To get started on finding out and managing your hot buttons, follow the next steps:

1. Make a list of your own personal hot buttons.  These are different for everyone. (A list of common hot buttons listed below).
2. Make note of how your body responds when one of your hot buttons are triggered.  Do you clench your teeth, cry, sweat, get flushed, contract your stomach?  It is not the easiest thing to do but try to pay attention to these responses in your body.
3. Once you feel the body's response that signals a hot button has been triggered, ask for a rain check with the other party and end the conversation until you have regained control of your emotional state.
4. After you have calmed down, ask yourself the following questions, “Am I being too sensitive? Am I seeing slights where none exists?” If the answer is yes, then that, in and of itself, could be the end of the conflict. I, however, the answer is no, then try to write down, in clear terms, what you believe to be the cause of the conflict.
5. Only after you have completed step 4 should you continue to pursue the other conflict resolution steps.

Find Your Hot Buttons From The List Below:

Rejection

Humiliation

Judgment

Feeling Unimportant

Disconnection

Abandonment

Loneliness

Feeling Ignored

Failure

Neglect

Powerlessness

Condemnation

Being misunderstood

Feeling Unwanted

Being scorned

Danger

Being invalidated

Feeling Disliked

Feeling defective

Mistrust

Inferiority

Feeling Devalued

Worthlessness

Unhappiness

As you can imagine, this process is emotionally draining. Not to mention the fact that it takes diligence to engage in continuous self-awareness and self-control. However, success will not only help you in the workplace, it will also prove effective against conflict at home and in other areas of your life.

Sources:

http://lenski.com/conflictzen/what-are-your-conflict-triggers/

http://lenski.com/conflictzen/managing-your-hot-buttons